Brain Teasers

Here We Go! Put Your Thinking Caps On!weggie

 

1.
  If nothing sticks to Teflon, how does Teflon stick to the pan?
 

 
 
2.
  If Superman is so smart, why does he wear his underwear on the outside of his pants?
 

 
 
3.
  What was the best thing before sliced bread?
 

 
 
4.
  How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow sign?
 

 
 
5.
  If dry ice melts and I go swimming in it, will I get wet?
 

 
 
6.
  Why is there braille lettering on a drive-up ATM machine?
 

 
 
7.
  Could it be that all those trick or treators wearing sheets are not really ghosts, but mattresses?
 

 
 
8.
  Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
 

 
 
9.
  If the “black box” in an airplane is never damaged during a crash, why isn’t the entire airplane
made from that material?
 

 
 
10.
  If the police arrest a mime, do they still tell him that he has the right to remain silent?
 

 
 
11.
  If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes today?
 

 
 
12.

  Next Thursday which is Good Friday, there is a mothers' meeting for fathers only. The admission
is free so pay at the door. There are plenty of seats so sit in the floor. After the meeting we will
sit at the four corners of the round table where the menus will be few and beans will be rationed.
But no matter where you sit the cook is sure to throw a fit with the waiters that come later with
the “taters” and “maters” and the po-tater pie. Remember, sweets once on the lips becomes twice
on the hips!
 

 
 
13.
  Is there another word for “synonym”?
 

 
 
14.
  Why do they put croutons in a stay fresh container; are they afraid they will go soft?
 

 
 
15.
  Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
 

 
 
16.
  Why do hotdogs come in packages of eight and hotdog buns in packages of ten?
 

 
 
17.
  Why do we drive on a parkway, and park on a driveway?
 

 
 
18.
  How does a black cow eat green grass, and produce white milk, yellow cheese, and red meat?
 

 
 
19.
  The problem's not the problem, it is how I handle the problem that is the problem.
 

 
 
20.
  Problem problems are only problem problems when problem problems are allowed to become
problem problems by handling a problem problematically!
 

 
 
21.
  If my nose was running money I'd blow it all on you, but it's snot!
 

 
 
22.
  A cemetery raised its costs, but blamed it on the "cost of living".
 

 
 
23.

  The right half of the brain is the source of inspiration, the left side of the brain is the source for
reasoning. That's why inspired people always think they're right and reasonable people get left
out in right field!
 

 
 
24.

  Did you know, one dark night, in broad daylight, the bones of two dead soldiers began to fight.
Back to back they faced each other, drew out their swords and shot each other. When suddenly,
in the light of night, a bone shattering scream of a baby Mime made their hair stand on end.
They then realized that peace is best and silence is golden, and it is never good to dig up old
bones. If you do not believe this story to be true, just ask the blind man he saw it too.
 

 
 
25.
  How does the “stay off the grass” sign get on the grass?
 

 
 
26.
  Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?
 

 
 
27.
  Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough
money?
 

 
 
28.
  Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check
when you say the paint is still wet?
 

 
 
29.
  Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
 

 
 
30.
  Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
 

 
 
31.
  Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
 

 
 
32.
  Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
 

 
 
33.
  If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
 

 
 
34.
  Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
 

 
 
35.
  Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
 

 
 
36.
  Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat
will have materialized?
 

 
 
37.
  Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach
down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
 

 
 
38.
  Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
 

 
 
39.
  How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
 

 
 
40.
  Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you
always manage to knock something else over?
 

 
 
41.
  In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we
complained about the heat?
 

 
 
42.
  How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
 

 
 
43.
  The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of
mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you!
 

 
 
44.
  If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging!
 

 
 
45.
  Good judgment comes from experience; unfortunately most experience comes from bad judgment!
 

 
 
46.
  When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their
lesson well.
 

 
 
47.
  The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in you pocket!
 

 
 
48.
  Quicksand works slowly.
 

 
 
49.
  Boxing rings are square.
 

 
 
50.
  Why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
 

 
 
51.
  If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
 

 
 
52.
  Why do we ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
 

 
 
53.
  Why do noses run and feet smell?
 

 
 
54.
  How can a slim chance and a fat chance mean the same thing?
 

 
 
55.
  The roundest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size
from too much pi.
 

 
 
56.
  I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
 

 
 
57.
  No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
 

 
 
58.
  A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
 

 
 
59.
  A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
 

 
 
60.
  Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
 

 
 
61.
  Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
 

 
 
62.
  Time flies when you are having fun, but if you are a frog, time is fun when you are having flies!
 

 
 
63.
  Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 

 
 
64.
  Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here,
I’ll go on a head.”
 

 
 
65.
  I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
 

 
 
66.
  So is a chicken crossing the road poultry in motion?
 

 
 
67.
  A backward poet writes inverse.
 

 
 
68.
  Where did Noah keep his bees? In archives!
 

 
 
69.
  Why do we pay to go up in tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to see things that are
on the ground?
 

 
 
70.
  The ship that ran aground was filled with red paint. The crew was marooned!
 

 
 
71.
  Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? The ref was calling fowls!
     
72.
  The person who says there are no “Absolutes”, just made an absolute statement!
 

 
 
73.
  Do you call a dumb ox an oxymoron?
 

 
 
74.
  People use the expression; “good grief”. Have you ever experienced good grief?
 

 
 
75.
  Is it not better to be a smart aleck than a dumb one? What is an aleck anyway?
 

 
 
76.
  If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
 

 
 
77.
  If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
 

 
 
78.
  How is it possible to have a civil war?
 

 
 
79.
  Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
 

 
 
80.
  If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
 

 
 
81.
  If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
 

 
 
82.
  What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
 

 
 
83.
  If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage
situation?